Strength.

On my Dad's side, I never really knew my grandmother. She died when I was around nine years old. I only have a couple of memories of her and I. One stands out the most though. We used to bake in her kitchen every time I saw her. We made bread, fudge, cookies, all sorts of dishes. Grandma would let me knead the dough as if I was a pro. She gave me the sort of encouragement that sticks to you for a life time. I had a period of my life, where I was just so confused on what to think. When my Grandma passed away, I felt as if a part of me left, where as, that part of me only grew. I recently found a picture of her and it sits at my desk. Gives me the feeling that I can do anything, it gives me strength. The other day, her favorite song, "Country Roads" by John Denver came on the radio. Immediately, I smiled and thought of her. Daily, she tells me to stay strong to what is rooted inside me, my heart. When I'm walking in a field, or even just a simple trail, nature gives me that sense of peace. The sense of happiness and simplicity. I have one friend who has helped me out more than she knows in the past few days. Our friendship is a strong and natural one. It's one of truth and happiness, I thank God for her everyday. I thank God for the family I have, and the loving people that surround me in my life. I thank him for the unexplainable obstacles he puts in my life. God is great though, such a sense of ironic humor! Recently things have been tough, and now I can just look up and say "oh you're kidding, right?". Then I can go about my life and living for what matters. It's Christmas time, my favorite time of year. This means movies and gingerbread houses with my best friend. The smell of yummy treats and trees. It's the definition of content.

New thoughts

I always knew I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. I would get my R.N. and be happily content. A huge part of me is God. I've had an undying interest towards not only God, but the community around it. I have taught Sunday School, little things like that. It has been in the back of my mind that going into ministry is an option. It came to recently that I know at some point, I want to go into it. I want to actually explore this interest that has been lying within me for so long. In the past couple of days, I have told people that I want to go into ministry. Some think it is totally cool, others get a look of confusion. I think to myself, "well, i don't have much of an explanation just yet"!. This previous Sunday, I went to an ordination of a Pastor, whom I know. The Reverend who gave the sermon told a story that really connected with me.

She said that she over heard a conversation at a function. One man said to another, "What if it was scientifically & historically proven that Jesus had never existed, would your faith be crushed"? The man said, "Yes, completely". The other said, "No, my faith would not be crushed. If Jesus never existed...well darn, he should have!".

It just occurred to me, "man, that sounds like something i would say". But it's those types of questions that I love answering. They're challenging, not only in a sense of yourself, but your faith. So, I know that nursing is absolutely in my future. I also know that my passion for God and his people, along side me, is too great to push aside. So, thanks God, thanks an awful lot.

One life

We've all got one life. One life to take everyday as something beautiful, and love it. We've got one life. So cherish your friends, make new ones, hold every hand you can. If someone you love leaves? Wish them well, and move on knowing that you loved with everything in you, you loved well. Take each lesson and learn from it. Handle hearts carefully but never walk away from love. Oh, and make mistakes. Lots of them, because of course, that is how you learn. And please, smile as often as you can. Smile because you have hope for this world and everyone in it. Smile because the sky is above you, and even if the sun is not out, it will be someday soon. When someone needs time, give it to them. Step back, take a breath, and just give it to them. You're not always going to know, agree or understand. I know i haven't. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that everyday i walk out of my house knowing that there is a world full of people to get to know. a million views to understand and experience. New food to be come a new favorite. A new chance to tell everyone thank you. It's one life. God, please let me live it right.


"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you".

Free

After two years, i am free. Really free this time. The most astonishing part of it is...it was all in my hands all along. I had the complete ability to really stop all of it, to walk away, to stick up for myself. But that's what learning a lesson is all about. Now i know. But i'll tell you, i can't stop smiling, and my energy and motivation is higher than ever. if i could tell one person something, i would. because they deserve to hear it. One day, i will. But at the moment? Thank you God, for giving me the strength to set myself free. Thank you for letting me wake up this morning, seeing the world in a whole new light. The kind of light when you wake up while you're camping. The sun peeking through the trees and blinding you in the sort of way that really makes you love the world. and to my friends: everyday when i see your smiling faces, it makes me so thankful. Good thing it's almost Thanksgiving :)

Dreams

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love fairytales. One of the most wonderful things that could ever happen to me is to fall so hard, in love. The kind of love that sticks with you, inspires you and lets you develop yourself. I've known some great people that I've been with. Not a lot. But a few. Sure, some stand out more than others, but that's just part of the process, I think. On top of all this, Taylor Swift videos make me long for a genuine connection with someone, more. I'm a disney girl, absolutely. I have grown up with dreaming a whole lot, reality can be too blunt sometimes. On second thought, that's why I enjoy writing so much. I do not mind keeping my old writing, most of it is hilarious, and I think to myself "Did i really think that? Why did I write that?". I love experiencing new things, not only about the world that we live in, and the people that surrounds us, but myself. I'm the girl, that when I think about college, I think about going to Hogwarts. I want a lace wedding dress, completely romantic, you know, the kind you see on Say Yes to the Dress. When i was younger (what am I saying, I do this at the moment), I want/ed to be a hundred things. A princess (Belle, specifically), a chef, a vet, an animal, an Author, a Pioneer, a nurse, a nurse during the Civil War....That would be the main stuff i have/had my heart set on! Back when I had no homework and a free world to dream in, I would go down to the park and lay on the grass and read. I was not like Matilda, who read Moby Dick at age 6, I read the stuff like "American Girls" and "Little Women", "A little Princess" and as i got older, I dove into the wonderful world of Jane Austen. Ah, Jane Austen, the perfect get-a-way. Someone once told me, "Whatever your feeling, good or bad, just let it out, exactly how you feel, right then and there". Well, that is what I am doing. Figure it will do me some good, and with that, I bid anyone and everyone a good night.